Gifts given in recent years: four wedding gifts, one bridal shower gift, three graduation gifts, two baby shower gifts and sympathy flowers for a funeral. Parties hosted in recent years: one baby shower and one bridal shower. Thank you notes received: zero.
Were no thank you notes sent because the recipients of the gifts were just too lazy to write the notes or were they just in need of an etiquette refresher course? I would like to think it's the latter.
Thank you notes are a nice gesture of appreciation for thoughtful acts or gifts. Thank you notes are such a simple concept, but the thought of writing one is so intimidating to some people that a note never gets sent. They begin to obsess over the wording of the notes and think that if the wording isn't perfect, the recipient of the note will not be touched by the gesture behind the note itself.
When to Send a Thank You Note
There are several occasions when it is appropriate to send a thank you note.
- For wedding gifts.
- For sympathy letters, flowers, or mass cards.
- To the hostess after a party that was hosted in your honor.
- For bridal or baby shower gifts.
- For gifts that were received by mail.
- For graduation gifts (high school and college).
- After being entertained by your boss.
- Gifts received during a hospital stay.
- After being hosted as a house guest for one or more nights (unless it's a close relative or friend who is doing the hosting).
- For notes or gifts of congratulations.
- After a job interview (not required but a nice gesture).
Thank You Note Timelines
There are some etiquette timelines to follow when sending thank you notes.
The general rule for bridal and baby shower gifts is within two weeks of the party. Anytime before the wedding or the birth is acceptable, however.
You should send notes for wedding gifts as soon as they start arriving. The general rule is that you should send a thank you for a gift received before the wedding within two weeks. For all other gifts, notes should be sent within two months of your return from the honeymoon.
For graduation gifts from high school, the accepted time frame is before the student begins college.
There is no official time frame for sending thank you notes after a funeral, but two to three weeks is the accepted time. If the person closest to the deceased is, understandably, not up to the task, a close friend or other family member should write the notes.
If you do choose to send a thank you note after a job interview, wait a week, says Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive and author of Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know. “The next day seems kind of desperate. Wait a week and I’ve probably interviewed a bunch of other people and you can remind me again how great you are.”
Thank You Note Do's and Don't's
Writing a thank you note does not have to be a difficult task. Just keep a few things in mind when writing. Include the occasion for which a gift was received, the specific gift itself and what it means to you. That's all there is to it. If you would like to go into more detail, feel free to do so. But don't feel obligated to fill the entire note.
There is only one rule of what not to do that you should follow when writing a thank you note. Never send a preprinted form letter or note. I received one of these after a wedding years ago. The letter was printed on the bride's stationary with a blank left for my name and the gift. My name was spelled wrong, the gift that was written in was not the gift I had given and the letter was not even personally signed.
If you are going to do this, it's best just to skip the thank you note altogether. You may think that any thank you will be appreciated, but a note like this will simply make the recipient feel as though you didn't care at all.
Sources
- Crouch, Michelle. "What HR Won't Tell You About Your Resume." Reader's Digest. Apr. 2011. p. 135
- Wedding Thank You Notes: A Complete Guide
- A - Z of Manners and Etiquette
Megan Abrams - I have lived with the effects of a childhood stroke for more than half my life and offer a uniquely personal perspective on disability.
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